“I know I’ll always love you. Even when you can’t see it, it’ll be there. But you’re wrong, Scar.” It was always the same conversation with them - the same circumstances. Did he mean it this time? How many times had he told her they were done - that he wouldn’t come back the next time, that they weren’t good for each other, that she needed to heal without him. Did he even mean it? It felt like a script. You’re wrong, Scar. We can’t be together, Scar. You’re better off without me, Scar. When he truly, honestly thought about why - he couldn’t come up with an answer. She was all he had. He’d come every time she called. He’d proven that even with Ana, he’d always choose Scarlet. He could never truly leave her behind. He was at her beck and call and that would never change. He hated himself for pretending that it was her that needed him - if that had been the case, leaving their relationship behind would have been child’s play. He needed her more than he’d ever needed anything or anyone. They’d made a home in each other, and home was home. He couldn’t fight that. “If we’re supposed to be together, why does it always hurt so fucking much? I love you - if I had to give all of this up for a normal, peaceful life with you, I would. You know I would. I’m tired. I’m just - I’m tired. I don’t even know… how to love someone else. You took that from me, you know? The ability to do that. It would be so easy to give in to you again. But where does that leave us? Nothing’s changed.”

[text]: Guess who just got back in town

Luca: I’m glad. Hope you’re doing ok. Let me know if you need anything, yeah? 

[text]: So I might be in a hospital right now… 

Luca: you can’t keep doing this 
Luca: i’ll be there in 10

[text]: Come on, come to the party!

Luca: not too sure you, me, and vodka is a recipe for success
Luca: maybe you could convince me

[text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive. 

Luca: Yeah, I’ll be there
Luca: please don’t do something stupid 

[text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up.

Luca: i know exactly how you feel.

@maggiesgeha

“No, Scar. It isn’t me. It’s never been me. Not for you. I know that now.” It takes nearly, no, it takes all of Luca’s willpower, all his energy, all of his restraint to follow through with the words he knew would cut her deep. Anxiety was digging into his gut, with every second he stood in front of her, knowing he’d be the reason for her pain, resulting in a sharp pain that could or could not resemble symptoms of a heart attack. But that wasn’t it. They never tell you that heartbreak is just as physically tormenting as it is mentally. “How could I be? Love isn’t pain. But that’s all there is with us. We’re just a fucked up load of pain, Scar. That’s all I am to you. That’s all I am to anyone when I’m with you.” It’d been so long, remembering a life without Scarlet was unfathomable. She’d always been there, even when they weren’t together, pretending their relationship could be labeled as ‘just friends’, pretending they could see other people, pretending there wasn’t a part of each of them disgustingly addicted to the other. Maybe that meant remembering a life without pain and lust and toxicity and… love was unfathomable. He put on a good act. There was confidence and anger in his delivery, the sadness barely peaked in. It was there, though, and if anyone could catch it, she would. “I had a good thing with Ana. She’s nearly perfect, you know? She made me laugh. But she still wasn’t fucking enough for my fucked up head because she could never be you.” He almost believed himself. He was almost right. Ana was nearly perfect, but she’d never been perfect for him. Maybe in another life, he’d think, if he wasn’t so self destructive. But that too he knew was a lie. In this life, and every life, it would always be Scarlet. But he owed it to her to fight it. “And as long as you’re in my life I can never really move on, really put someone else first. God, I fucking love you, Scar, and that’s why we can’t do this anymore.” His gaze softens. The anxiety fades. The guilt recedes. He’s doing this for her. “You’re never going to get better if I stay. You’re never going to fix yourself, not when we’ve both convinced ourselves that all it’ll take is me loving you. Which I will, for the rest of my life. But I can’t… I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore. We both deserve so much fucking better. We deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I know it doesn’t make sense right now, but you’ll never be happy with me, Scar, and I can’t be responsible for that, no matter how much I wish I could be the one.”

               _{“You can’t promise that,” I tell him, but he won’t hear it. He has my chin between his thumb and his finger and he lifts it so I meet his eyes, and from there it’s game over. I can’t possibly look into Luca’s eyes and not be persuaded by their depths. It’s like looking down the neck of a bottle of something or other and not falling just a little bit in love with the person it could make you be. I fall deeper and deeper for Luca with everyday because of the person he turns me into. And on the other hand, I hate myself, deeper and deeper, because of the person he turns me into.} 

_{He has this new role, and its the first thing we’ve done seperately in years. He’s going to be away for months, with a cast I don’t know, people I don’t know, a love interest that isn’t me. I want to keep him here, keep him close to me, with a promise that he won’t ever leave, but he won’t have it.} 

_{I can feel him slipping away from me with every passing day, with every year we grow older and apart and I don’t know how to stop any of it, how to halt an avalanche when my voice feels so fucking small in comparison. He says things won’t change, but we both know they will.} 

_{Scarlet Love can make the whole world bend to her will, but when it comes to change, there’s no stopping it.} 

_{( @badlandswrites )}